Day One- First steps

I have a headache. The heat, the pressure and the change of scenery are all contributing to this painful pounding in my head. At least I’m dressed for the weather in a simple floral sundress and flip flops. My hair though, is getting bigger by the minute. The straightness is turning to friz. I suspect its natural and ought to have been expected.

When I arrived at my destination- the Norman Manley International airport, only an hour and a half (1 1/2 hrs) late, I climbed out of the airplane and walked through the ‘tunnel’ that attaches to the plane to the port.  Inside of the airport did not feel like one. Rather, the long hall felt like I was walking through a nice alleyway with signs on the walls. The first thing I had to do was go through customs. The line was long but it was moving rapidly. When it was my turn, I approached a female immigration officer, I said good afternoon in my sickly voice but no response came, except a demanding arm stretched towards my face, expecting my immigration form and then my passport. I complied. She spoke, “6 weeks, this is an extended vacation”. I said, “yes, and very necessary to make up for the 16 years I’ve been away”. An unexpected smile arrived on her face. She handed back my papers and I smiled and walked away immediately.

I stopped at the “cambio” or the money exchange counter, which was another line up. Only two persons in front of me but may as well be ten. The lady was professional and I got my money and went for my luggage at the turning stalls. I see that it was already removed and left standing with other unclaimed luggage. I grabbed it and quickly found the “green” line, the one to use when you’re not carrying anything over $500US. No one was in the line so I asked another immigration officer the procedures. She took my declaration form and off I went. From travelling to different countries, I think that when you see the exit doors to a new country you’re suppose to know by instinct.This one was a little tricky. The narrow exit door was staring me in the face but it was hard to believe that the doors to my journey to rediscovery would be so small.

I followed the finger pointing of a worker whom I had asked directions. He was pointing towards the doors I saw in front of me. I slowly walked with hesitancy towards the doors which automatically opened and allowed me to see a glimpse of Jamaica. Crowds of people were standing outside. I thought it was a market. I started to pan my eyes from the left corner of the marketplace to the right in search of my cousin. I immediately spotted a slim fair skinned man looking the exact same as pictures I had seen on facebook. He looked like he saw me first and was waiting for me to see him. He walked towards me and helped me with my bags.

I waited by the curb for my cousin who went to get his vehicle. I wondered who would be the first to approach me as I stand alone with my luggage. I saw young men sitting around on garden beds and men appearing to be in deep conversations- though the content was not making any sense.

I peered through vehicles searching for my cousin. When I saw him pull up, I brought my luggage to be loaded in the trunk. The drive from the airport was nice and cool, not as I expected. No matter where we drove, I could still see the sea! Wow.

Our first stop was at Tastee’s, this store makes one of the best patties in Jamaica and I have been yearning for this experience for years! I thought it was going to be a walk-in store where you order your Jamaican patty and leave, but quite the opposite. It was a large restaurant. My cousin found us a seat and I enjoyed my beef patty with coco bread and a bottle of water. Walking on Jamaican soil feels completely different from anywhere I’ve been. My brain knows it’s no longer in Canada but is still confused about everything- at this moment, nothing is making any sense. Maybe this is what’s causing the headache! Along with this bright sun! My eyes are not adjusting.

I finally arrived at a beautiful and peaceful community which is going to be my home for the time being. The house I stepped into was something familiar. From the choice of furniture to the flat screen TV to the choice of decor I feel right at home again.

I was worried that my shower experience was going to be a cold one, but this house as choices even in water temperature. I chose to take a cool shower because at this point my skin was experiencing heat and humidity it had not experience since last year August! After the shower, my head was still pounding so I decided to take a nap, but was awoken from a deep sleep by my cousin’s wife. I thought I had slept all night.

Dinner was ackee and saltfish, the Jamaican national dish and one of my favorite meals. Both doors to the house (back and front) stays open and the breeze is ideal. It keeps the house cool. At 9pm the temperature outside was more to my liking. I used a fan at the beginning of the night but turned it off later when I was about to fall in a stupor.  Wow, I can’t believe I’m in Jamaica!

The Introduction to my first trip back to Jamaica

I am about to re-experience Jamaica one more time, for the first time in years. I have never returned since I began life in Canada and it’s already 16 years. I would like you to embark on this journey with me and experience it as I will. I plan to blog about everything, from the smallest most insignificant detail to the bizarre, weird and the wild. I’m in the process of planning, researching and getting things together. I now know that I need long sleeve white shirts (thin cotton shirts), I need mosquito repellent and of course a bathing suit. I have already contacted my banks to inform them I’m leaving, as well as the embassy of Canada. I’m still working to get the go ahead from my work place. I have had a meeting already and my bosses were okay with the idea. I already have my Hepatitis A, B, C shots recently completed at the beginning of the year 2013.

My goal is to go to Jamaica to re-experience Jamaica as intimately as I can. I would like to do everything, including a brief stay at a resort- no more than 4-5 days. I would like to volunteer, visit different parishes, speak with the church community , speak with community members to hear their views about Jamaica. I want to see the best of Jamaica and the parts of jamaica that might need help. I want to become as intimately connected with Jamaica that I could tell Jamaica’s story.

This journey starts on April 22nd 2013.

Dreading your job?

What do you tell yourself when your job is becoming more than you can bear? How do you reason with yourself when you begin to resent going to work? You know you don’t want to get fired or quit. In this economy, it’s hard to jump in and out of jobs as we please, something that ‘Y’ generation has no qualms doing. But the economy is calling all of us to be cautious because we could be in a worse situation- Yes! We could be unemployed. So as bad as it is, thank God we have a job. Sadly though, that does not take away from the fact that the job is stressful, coworkers are negative, management is chaotic and the list goes on. If you can’t seem to see anything positive in your current company and there’s no more incentive to stay, then it might be time to leave. But you have to do it smartly.

To do so, you have to prepare the resumes and get them out there well in advance and hope that another company will select you for an interview and then select you for the job. This is the smart way to do it.

When you arrive at work each day remind yourself that it won’t be long before you leave. It’s just a matter of time before you get that better job, something you know you will enjoy more. In other words, you have to psych yourself up- put yourself in a positive frame of mind in advance because, if you don’t, one day a manager may put you in the wrong head space, and the way you feel at the moment may outweigh the consequences thereafter, which may cause you to loose it. Refrain from doing this no matter how good you think you might feel afterwards.

Instead, smile with everyone, let the things they say roll off your back. Just stay busy, do the job you’re getting paid to do- at this point this is the reason you’re working (to get paid), and when the day is over forget about the job. Focus on the new job that you’re looking forward to. Of course, you will have to take steps to get this new job. Wanting a new job and not working towards it is stupid. Send out as many resumes as possible, really put the effort in gearing those resumes towards the job you want- you have to be specific. Those cover letters can’t be a hit-or-miss, it has to be a HIT! When you know you’ve got this down, just keep doing it, even when you haven’t got the interview yet, it’s just a matter of time. If you want to go the extra mile assuming that you’ve been working at the internet job search for sometime, then set aside time once a week and go directly to the companies you desire to work at. Talk to the director or a person in charge. Let them help you with obtaining that wonderful new job you can’t wait to get your hands on.

The thing is, once you’re gearing your energy towards something you desire, your current job (which had all your focus) will no longer be unbearable, at least not as much. Why? You know why you’re going now (the money) and it’s no longer taking up any emotional energy, plus your mind sees that it’s not a long term thing anymore. Good luck!

This friend is for a lifetime

Die old flame, die

July 14, 2009 Leave a comment (Edit)

Is it true that every girl has a special someone in her life that her mind can never seem to discard? Someone whom you’ve known forever, dated, loved, at times wished you were still with him, and the reasons why you broke up in the first place seems to be vague. There are so many of my girlfriends who tell me of such a person. It’s often the high school sweethearts or the college sweethearts that make this cut but it’s the person you knew the longest, had enough time to see their dirty laundry and is unsure if you want to deal with it; but even though you’re still in another relationship, you still wonder, was he the one?

It’s not that you want to sell yourself short, or endure things that you know isn’t right. It’s just that the mind seems to be boggled up on this one person. From all the things you know about him, he is a nice person, he genuinely cares about you, he knows you well- enough to write a detailed summary of your whole life and paint a vivid picture of who you are.

The problem is, you’re unsure if he’s sincere, if you can endure the minor things about him that gets you aggravated which leads you to secretly wish for him to change. But will he change though? Has he shown any steps of improvement? Is this enough? Is he doing it now to get back with you, but when he knows he got you, he’ll return to his old self? This is the problem. You have forgiven his past behaviour but your mind can never overcome the past. It remembers what happened when you let your guard down the first time, and the second time, and even the third time. Now, is your heart wrong to feel unsure about this person? What makes him better this time? Why is he still sticking around? Is it you? or it is him?

As girls, we are trained to love and to care, to not give up on our relationships- we are emotional beings. We think that if someone authentically wants to be in our lives then why should we say no? We empathise with people on a whole. So this guy who can never seem to just disappear, who always tell you these ”nice” things that woos you everytime you talk to him, and makes you feel special for those moments is always lurking around. It’s not all his fault however, it’s your fault too. You are often the one to solicit this behaviour. More often than not, if you choose not to call or ever to correspond with this guy, the relationship dies. So the question is, why can you do that with every other relationship, including the one you are currently in, but you are so strung up on this old flame? What is it about him?

The answer to that is a mystery. Maybe he is too. The one confusing one that you can never wrap your hearts or mind around. The one that is so similiar to you, you’re starting to hate yourself for it. The one that does things to you that pisses you off and he is so comfortable in doing the pissing off, it makes you uneasy. You have to ask, how can this even work? If we live together, won’t we kill each other? Why are we arguing over stupid things? And how does the arguments start and stop so abruptly. What is it about him that my heart just cannot get enough of?

For me, it’s the fact that I know that he is the only one I have ever met that would be a perfect partner. The only one that would blend in with my family, the only one I’ve dated that comes from a similiar background as me; enjoys the same dishes as me, has similar interests as me and overall, communicates the same language as me, literally and figuratively. He is the only one that knows me so well. And inspite of our squabbles, he will still adore me because he cares. He is the only one that has stuck around the longest and still has strong feelings for me. Yet, I am still afraid that if I trust him, he will let me down. If I suggest to him that I want him, that he will turn around and flee in the opposite direction. I’m afraid that I won’t have this good of a relationship with him if I agree to date him again. So, I keep it less complicated by keeping him around. Dating others, but still feeling happy to know he is still there in my life. Is this wrong? I have no idea. But the truth is, I really don’t want him out of my life. There are some things I don’t like about him but I love what I know. And the more I think about it, I’d hate for him to marry someone else.

I cannot say why there’s always that one guy, and sadly to say he’s not always the one for us. I guess it’s just a waiting game- on life. This way, the flame won’t ever die, but it will burn slowly until one day in our lives, when we finally arrive on the same page, it might ignite with passion again. Until that day, if it ever comes, he’ll remain close and dear to your hearts. But should you choose to move on with your lives, you will also have the ability to move on without being marred emotionally.

Armed for Battle

I wonder if, as believers, we ever grasp a full sense of what God is really calling us for. Many preachers like to say, “we are born in the church”, but often, like the Ethiopian Eunuch (Acts 8:26), people confuse it to be a natural birth. Many of us tend to think we have a special place in Heaven and there is nothing that is expected of us. The truth is, we have to be baptized and be filled with the Holy Spirit. This is the process of being born again, according to St. John 3:5. But this is only the first step in answering God’s call.

In the military, the recruitment process may take months because of all the criminal checks that have to be conducted to ensure one’s history is verified. Before an individual can come on board there is a physical test, an aptitude test and a medical exam (blood test, eye sight, etc) that has to be passed.When the criteria is met, military gears are issued- everything that is needed is provided- clothes, shoes, helmet, socks, underwear, bra, water bottle, rucksack, bayonet, bayonet carrier, the list goes on. These are not given, they are issued. Therefore if you fail to return these items should you be discharged, you will pay for them because they were signed out in your name.

What I’m trying to say is that, when we chose to be baptized and be filled with the holy spirit, many of us didn’t read the fine prints or better yet, we ignored it. Or maybe we signed up blindly. What we signed up for was to join the Lord’s Army. Do not associate this army for the Lord’s Resistance Army. This is a militant group operating in northern Uganda, South Sudan, the Democratic Republic of Congo, and the Central African Republic. It has been accused of widespread human rights violations including murder, abduction, mutilation, child-sex slavery, to name a few things.

What the Lord of Host is calling us to do is nothing of the sort, but instead to defend against those things. These things are called the wiles/schemes of the evil one. This is not a battle for the flesh but it is a spiritual battle that can only be fought in the spirit. God called us to “put on the whole armor of God, that [we] may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil” We signed up to fight but many of us didn’t bother to collect our equipment when we signed up. God gave us the full armour at the beginning: He gave us the belt of truth, the breastplate of righteousness, feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace, the shield of faith, the helmet of salvation, the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God and prayer (Ephesians 6:14-17). On top of the fact that we are not equipped, we are also not prepared.

In the military, the basic training can take anywhere from three months to a year. This is only the basic training to turn a mere individual into a soldier. When he/she passes, the individual receives a chevron, just a small piece of material that is added to the  uniform to show that we are now fully trained privates. It is rigorous and mentally challenging so many have dropped out because they couldn’t handle it. The same way, in order for each of us to prepare for our spiritual battle we also have to prepare, through prayer and fasting and knowing the word of God. When Jesus was being tempted, the devil (evil one) twisted the word of God against Jesus, but Jesus stood firm and He quoted the scriptures back to the devil. He resisted the devil, and the devil had to flee.

Our battle is much the same, except the devil comes in the form of spirits. T.D Jakes calls these spirits “disembodied” and as such they have to find a body to reside in. In other words, the evil spirits will take residence in our bodies, so when it appears on the surface that a friend is persuading us to do something we know we shouldn’t, remember we have to resist the devil. We wrestle not against flesh and blood. This is not a battle we can fight with our words, so getting angry at the other person isn’t the answer. What we are doing is fighting the spirit with our own flesh. We are not going to win because we are using our own minds and our feelings and our words to defend ourselves. The equipment we were given are far more tactical and excellent to defending in a spiritual battle, but majority of us have not even look at the weapons that the Lord has given us. Most of us don’t know how to use them or we were never prepared spiritually. The church is our home base, this is where we train. But do not think that when the soldiers go home that they stop training, so neither should we. Training for battle, whether it’s physical or spiritual, requires the same endurance and perseverance which comes through preparation.

According to one soldier in the Lord’s army, we need to be prepared, equipped and be ready. The Lord has already provided the equipment, we now have to get ourselves prepared and ready for battle. Therefore we cannot sleep or slumber, neither can we put ourselves in a state of mind where we can easily be tempted. We have to guard ourselves and be strong in the Lord. There is much work to be done in the vineyard. The devil has punctured a hole in governments, the laws are corrupt, he has made his way in the churches, in our homes causing our families to be tormented. Our youth are confused and so are the men. If we don’t take our places in the army, by the time the devil is done, we won’t be able to recognize who we are. The good news is: this battle is not ours, it’s the Lord’s and the end is already proclaimed- the Lord of Host will win. So let’s pick up our weapons and fight side by side with the Lord!

Singleness vs the Brady Bunch

After a late afternoon bath, I feel ready to call it in for the night with only four hours of wake time. My facial creams are already on totally skipping my morning regimen, and I’m eating what feels like my bedtime snack. At four in the afternoon I’m depending on artificial lights, which totally makes it feel like night. It’s warm and cozy and I’m alone wondering whether I’d ever want to trade my current life for the Brady Bunch.

When I first woke up at 8am I thought about the errands I had for the day. Two hours later, I looked at the time and thought I really should get up. 12pm I finally rolled out of bed and went to the bathroom. As I walked into the bathroom and looked over at the overflowing laundry I thought, really, I don’t have to do this today. That left me with two things to do for the day, write an article for an online newspaper and go to the mall. The former was done in no time since I had been working on the article all weekend, but I didn’t feel like leaving my cozy apartment for anything, not even the mall. Today was going to be that day. When I’m single with no children I can do nothing. This is the pay-off after many years, 20 to be exact, of schooling. And I didn’t want to trade it in for the world. Why should I? When you’re the children in the Brady Bunch life may me great, but when you’re the grown-ups and have to provide for all 6 plus a dog, not cool!

Stress, taking on more than one can handle, is the beginning of a slow death. Being fervent on taking good advice I feel that Icouldn’t have found out sooner. I already had enough on my plate, myself, and I’m not sure if I want more. This lesson rang clear when I had to babysit on the weekend. For over two years, I’ve never had someone wake me up, yet these two little humans were knocking at my door telling me that the puppy needed to go outside. Really?! I was an hour short of my eight hours rest time. That reminds me of the kitten I decided to bring home one Sunday. I seriously thought I would love having a kitten in my home, as they say cats are low maintenance and great companions. Well that was a lie. My kitten was sitting by my room door crying because I guess she wanted companionship, and overlooking the fact that I still needed my sleep. It was only 6 in the morning and I stayed up til 2 that morning trying to play with her. I was drowsy at work for the 12 hours and worrying that the poor kitten may die from lack of companionship and would keep me up another night. Before all that would happen, I stuck her in a little bag as soon as I got home and drove her back to her owners. I was happy and I’m sure she was too. I understand that taking on too much is a stress killer, and I’m just not ready to die.

People sometimes knock adulthood, and so quickly want to get married because “they don’t want to be alone”, but if they knew what they were missing they would drop the marriage and family thing and enjoy ten more years of happiness! Why wouldn’t anyone want to be happy? I went to a single session early this month, and the pastor specifically said, “If you want to be happy, don’t get married!” Ringgg ringgg.. There goes the bell of truth. There is no better time in life than being young and single. I can drive to the U.S border in two hours or I can pamper myself at a lavish hotel with spa treatments. I can take time off from work if I want, and travel to exotic locations; coworkers do it all the time! Why would I give this life up for a lifetime with a spouse and children? This baffles me.  I set my rules and I do what I want. Ahh, freedom is rejuvenating. If all of life could have been this way I would have been happier especially as a teenager. So until I hear God calling me to marriage I think I’m just going to bask in my happiness and see how long it’ll last.

Growing up

We dream about what we want our lives to look like in the future, but often times many of us are scared to get there. When we see the future drawing near it’s like something in us are startled, in disbelief, or fearful. It’s not uncommon I guess because growing up is scary. On the other hand, some of us jump right in, without even a second thought. We tend to only focus on the good parts- getting married, having children, buying our home. The perfect life. But somehow, we never dream up the divorce, the unruly children or the house that has become such a financial burden and a cause for half the quarrels that takes place in our homes. In this day and age, four in ten marriages will end in divorce according to a study done by the Vanier Institute of the family.  In spite of that, people still aspire to marry and those who are separated/divorced still want to find a marriage partner.

Somehow, in the midst of these turbulent times we still hope for the ideal, without much planning. After marriage, couples tend to go deeper and deeper into debt because they pile on all of life’s major milestones on top of each other. First come the hefty wedding bill, then comes the new mortgage and then the new baby, to add the cherry on top. It’s overwhelming but so many of us plunge right in, and often never come up for air. Years later, the debt grows and grows.

Yes, babies are supposed to be the pride and joy of our new family but if we don’t plan ahead, doesn’t that child often seem like a burden? Some might even say they are like a new bill. The cost to take care of them can be huge. On top of that they cause strain in the family. Suddenly, you have to plan your life around this infant, put up with the wailing when it needs to sleep/poop/eat. Many of us, normal people, get into a fantasy world when we’re married and think about the cuteness of the baby and how complete our family would be, but then we’re faced with torture when the baby is born. What appeared to be a bright idea suddenly seem more like a disaster.

I guess the torture ends at some point, or maybe we learn to adapt as parents. By this point, our pants pockets and our bank accounts are dried out but we persist because, well things have to get better right? If we work more everything will be okay. And that’s when we stop spending the quality time with our families, especially us women. Our children grow out of hand, our husbands are now driving us crazy because they can’t seem to understand that we need to work. Six years ago when we first got married, the kinds of expectations we had are thrown out the window and now we have to deal with reality. It’s not as ideal as it appeared in our dreams. Now what?

Maybe it would have been wiser to stay clear of all of it, allow the fear to drive us away from the fantasy world. But then, how would we know if we could have done better?

Love, the drug

What if it’s not you, it’s me.

You keep coming, yet you should’ve flee

I’m not good for you, but love has blinded you.

I’ve told you, love is a drug, but you didn’t believe

This time, I’m not the one who is addicted

I’m warning you, stay away.

You don’t listen, you keep panting

I’m playing hard to get, you keep saying

I’m not playing, I’m avoiding the drug

This time the drug is me, not you.

Democracy or Dictatorship rules?

Often, we can never truly say what we really want. What we really want is clouded by what society says we should want, what our families, friends and even the church says. It’s like a democracy in our heads- everyone gets a vote, except for us. Because, we tend to overlook our own votes. I’m more into the dictatorship kind of rule, but that’s just me. I already know what we North Americans have to say about that, because we want to believe in freedom of speech, and all the other freedoms and rights we have as a people. We want to believe that our votes should count, but do they always get counted? If we can overlook our own votes sometimes, who is to say that our government isn’t doing the same thing?

The truth? In large societies, the commoners never get what they want. Maybe if we were to shrink the population to what it used to be when democracy first existed, then maybe, but not now. The people who get what they want are those who shout the loudest, those who are seen the most, and those who aren’t afraid to step on other people. As for you and I, the commoners, we don’t matter. Not unless we are willing to scream, fight, and be selfish. But, many of us are too shy, too modest, too sensitive so we allow others to dictate what goes on in our lives, and then listen to them justify their actions with the term, “democracy”. Since, democracy hasn’t spoken out for me yet, I figure I’ll have to speak up for myself.

When it’s time to make any decision about my life, I find that I have to ask myself, “What would my pastor say about this, what would my mother say? Would my friends approve?” This is getting tedious and decisions never get made in these situations. There are too many people to account for. The problem is, what happens after the decision is made? If we’re not happy, then what? Doesn’t it matter? I will complain to my mother who will say, “You know baby, you made a good decision”. But if it’s such a good decision, why am I not happy with it?  I’m coming to the realization that ultimately I am the one who lives with every decision I make- good and bad, not the members of my church or the pastor or my family, so does it really matter how they feel? And more importantly, why should they get a vote when it comes to my life? Why am I overlooking my own vote to please others? This is what I want to know. To heck with democracy then. When it comes to my life, there is no need to scream or fight; but yes I’m sure going to be selfish, because this is a dictatorship we’re talking about.

Dictatorship is the way to go because as the word indicates, one person is in power and gets to decide on the end result. I may consider advice from the important people in my life and ensure that the decision that I make will not cause harm or sadness to those I love and care about, but in the end, it will not suffice me to make choices that will cause hurt and pain to myself. I will make my decisions in respect to other people, but I will not have others decide for me. I wish the government functions this way too because as we see in most countries that call themselves, “democracy”, there is always somebody or a small group of people that benefits, and a larger group that suffers by the decisions made by the government.

It seems to me that most people’s judgements are clouded by their current situations of stress, poverty, unemployment, and taking care of our children,  that it is so hard to see what’s really going on. We are satisfied that we live in a democracy and feel comfortable that if we choose to- we can exercise our rights and freedoms. It’s like living with a gold tooth, assuming that one day we can sell the gold and be rich, but all the while, the gold is causing pain and cavities.  While we sit comfortably in our own sufferings, others out there are getting their voices heard. Democracy works for those who aren’t shy and sensitive. It’s a big bad world out there, and in general the rule of thumb is: Nobody out there really cares about our needs. If we want our votes to count, we have to do a lot more than cast a ballot, that’s all I’m saying.

Analogue girl in a digital world

So what if I don’t want to get with the times? These gadgets: laptop,ipad, blackberries, iphone, GPS, Kindle are driving me bunkers. Why am I feeling embarrassed to take out my own phone in public? No really, a few short years ago okay 7, everyone had a flip phone. It was hip. Now when you see anything that’s not a “smart phone” or “android” whatever that means, it’s like thinking about the 80s. How are these phones detestable when they haven’t even existed a full decade? Have they? It’s like poor Bob said, in Shawshank Redemption after he saw hundreds of vehicles, “the world went ahead and got itself in a hurry”. Technology isn’t slowing down for anyone, how am I supposed to keep up?

I like simple, and I don’t exactly like where we’re heading with technology. Yes, I like the idea of the automobile and I like the idea of Airplanes, Phones, Microwaves, Dishwashers and all the newest inventions since the last 50 decades. For goodness sake, I can still remember my mother washing our clothes by hand. And I recall having to go to the school library to do my assignments on the computer; in fact I can still remember using the type-writer when I was a teenager.  So really, it hasn’t been long since “the world went ahead and got itself in a hurry”.  Now, my little sister has her very own computer and she’s not even a teenager yet. She has her ipod touch where she plays games, listens to music and can browse the internet if she chooses. She recently got a Kindle for her last birthday which means she doesn’t have to look at actual novels but can easily order one of her choice from the Kindle. I’m noticing that almost every child has a cell phone once they start school, which is to let parents know where their kids are at all times. Really? So what did other parents do before cell phones?

As I stand in the mall, contemplating whether I should replace my old flip phone for the new “androids” as they call them, I feel that I am a traitor. No I’m not totally against technology but I never want to fully welcome it with arms stretched open. I just have this fear that soon and very soon, I’ll have to share my world with robots and then, I will have a real meltdown. I have always known how Will Smith’s character must have felt in I, Robot. Why should he trust robots? That’s the fear I have about technology progressing, and the truth is, there is not a damn thing I can do about it.

My phone will soon fall apart, I know it will. Phones don’t even last more than 2 years anyway. So eventually I’m going to have to accept my hardware upgrade, and yes, I’m going to find myself with one of those android phones from Bell, but it won’t be a blackberry. I’m never going to bbm anybody, so stop asking me if I have one. This is someone who is only now feeling comfortable with skype. And as for facebook, I am happy to say I have had an account for over eight years, but this year, I had had enough! I deactivated my account because I’m tired of the new “improvements”. I never liked social networks anyway. I can’t separate myself from technology but I can decide how slowly I adapt. I’m not in a rush am I?

Faced with this simple decision, flip phone or new android phone. I’ll just have to wait a little longer until it breaks. As they say, “if it aint broke, don’t fix it”