Navigating confusion in the midst of decisions

In every big decision that we make, there are little elements that causes us to pause. Most of the times we are not aware of these because of the way they present. Let’s talk about that little element of confusion. The mind has to reconcile in the midst of breakthrough moments and big decisions, is this really the right thing to do or am I crazy? I call this the element of confusion. Confusion is “the inability to think as clearly or quickly as you normally do.” It comes with a number of signs, including,”sudden changes in emotion, such as sudden agitation.

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Have you ever felt confident in a goal or desire that you are pursuing, but something or someone comes and knocks you out of your adrenaline rush? Once certain that the Lord gave you permission to take that trip, take that exciting opportunity, or refrain from doing something; but, the moment you settle into your decision something happens. You shared it with people, and now you have to reconcile their viewpoints as part of your decision making process- leaving you a little hm, confused. Did you really hear God the first time? Are you making the right decision? These questions plaque your mind leaving your brain too overwhelmed to decide on what is best for you.

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“For God is not the author of confusion but of peace…”1 Corinthians 14:33. Making decisions can often cause us to pause for many reasons, but remember we have to keep moving forward, not fall prey to confusion. So how do we ensure that we don’t get stuck here…and give up forever. Let’s ask ourselves a few questions: why am I confused? What did God tell me the first time? And who am I allowing to make my decision for me?

Why?

When it comes to certain decisions, I often feel that I do not have the ability to trust myself to make this decision, especially when I’ve failed too many times. So I go seeking counsel from sources that I believe have my best interest at heart. Many times when we share our goals with too many people, what we find is that everyone has a different perspective and rather than having to wrestle with our own, we now have an overload of opinions. I have a colleague who is looking for a house. She appeared extremely anxious and overwhelmed. When I inquired, this is when I learned that she had been getting so many opinions from friends and family so she has no idea if she’ll ever get a house. The market is too crazy! Move out of town! Wait til summer, blah blah blah….That’s what happen when we rely on other people’s opinions. Why are YOU confused? Well, when we choose to surrender our decision making abilities to other people, that’s what happens. Yes, we get to take counsel from others (choose who you want counsel from), and when they give us, we can decide for ourselves how beneficial their advise is to us. In other words, do we toss it or keep some or all of it? Once we take back control over our ability to make the decision we stop being confused.

Who?

Who are you surrendering your decision making abilities to, family members, trusted church brethren, friends? I realized that I was allowing these wonderful Godly women whom I trust and whom I consider experts in the area that I am making a decision, in the relationship realm. This is not the first time I’ve done this over my life. Out of fear, I wanted to hold on to every opinion in hopes that they would stare me right. But, I felt more confused than at peace. I don’t get to share my goals and desires with everyone – because even their good intentions can be hurtful and wounding to the soul. Rather than being helpful, they are hinderances to my faith. Even though I trust that these friends have my best interests, I still don’t have to put a heavy weight on their opinions. I still get the final say!

What?

“What did God tell you the first time?” This is the question my dear sister asked me when I told her I’m becoming more confused with all the opinions I’ve been sorting through. Rather than feeling stuck, I have to come back to God. I get to tell Him in prayer, “Lord, I am stuck and confused right now and I know you are not the author of confusion, so please remove everything or everyone that is causing me to feel confused. Please remind me of what you told me the first time.” This way, we are bringing God right where He needs to be, in our hearts.

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We get the right to make decisions- this is the summation of all of our life experiences. We all want to “do the right thing” so that we don’t mess up and fail. But, honestly, it’s better to make a bad decision and fail, rather than surrendering control of our decisions to others – and then fail. When we make a “bad decision” this is an opportunity to learn and then pivot. When we make a good decision, we can celebrate our win and gain confidence to make more decisions in the future. The point is, we shouldn’t give up this amazing power, even if we are scared. I am in the midst of a life changing decision, and I for one am very scared. I seriously do not trust myself, but I have prayed. “With Christ, I can do anything” Philippians 4:13.

READ MORE: Let’s do a new thing in 2022

Let that be an encouragement to you in month 5! Don’t give up on yourselves, we can do this. Remove every confusion and keep on moving. If you are in the middle of a big mistake, pivot, but don’t stop. Trust yourself. You got this!

Friend for a lifetime?

Have you ever had that friend who knew you so well, you thought he could be your perfect companion? He knows the exact words to say; and when you have a problem, he listens as you sift through it. He gives you all his time, until all has been resolved. And provides you with just the emotional support you need. He has become your best friend, your source of joy, fun, happiness- your everything. All in a span of months.

Prior to knowing him, your life was good and you were happy with all the people in it. But after meeting this friend, he added so luxuriantly to your once ‘ok’ life- so much that you wondered if life would ever be the same without him. How could it? Who would be that source of inspiration? That psychologist that listens and somehow understands? Honestly, who would be that person that makes talking on the phone a hobby, and every conversation to be meaningful and wholesome? Nobody.

Certainly noone could ever replace this friend, and equally certain- if he was removed from your life, you would be devastated. I would. I agree that I would find a replacement, but knowing how I feel about this friend in my life, makes it unimaginable to have him gone. My friend also has integrated me in his life entirely. He has shared his best experiences and his worse with me. He has entrusted me with his secrets and allowed me in his world. I have also done the same for him, because we share this compelling need to disclose details to each other. And in every engagement, new details arise and each appointment brings us closer as companions.

He nicknamed me “leech”, but while I am tremendously benefitting from his gift of wisdom; I’d like to think I’m offering him something as well. I’m providing him with a goldmind filled with experiences of which I share with him freely. I’ve given him unconditional time, just as he’s done for me. And most importantly, I chose to be his friend. Those benefits can last for a lifetime, if providence allows. However long we know each other, we have been a blessing in each other’s lives.

What I do hope is that this friend will outlast all the others- that this friend will blossom into a soulmate because of our kindred spirit. Because of the way I always wish for him to be within my reach. Because of how we converse for hours on end. It is unfathomable how prior to those few months, we did not know each other, yet we were happy. Now, it’s hard to envision life without my friend. What I am imagining is how I can keep him in my life. Not that I previously thought of him as a partner, but the more our friendship grows the closer we’re getting to that impeccable union. The point of concern is that neither of us has discussed this state of discomfort, in spite the myriads of other discussions we’ve had. Of course, I cannot allude that our feelings are mutual and I do not wish to confront the issue. But I’m having a difficult time submerging these intense thoughts and feelings. I’m left in a state of bewilderment because I don’t know what to do.

My past dictates that the men I date never stick around after the termination of the relationship; or rather I erase them from my life. This friend of mine is too worthwhile and significant for me to put him in such a condition where there might be a chance of elimination. I’d rather keep him on a pedestal of my list of friends. However, it is undoubtedly difficult to have extreme desires for someone you consider a friend. What can I do in this instance, I’d like to know?

No other friend has bonded with me so effortlessly- has inquiried about my whole life story and knows more about me than even those closest to me has. Within a very short period of time, this friend has become so familiar with my patterns of behaviour, it’s hard to pretend. I have never experienced the type of chemistry between another friend; and interestingly it grows in every instant that we communicate. Life certainly brings amazing people into our lives: some are for a moment, others are for a season, and the best are those that comes for a lifetime. My hope is that this friend will be the latter.