Growing up

We dream about what we want our lives to look like in the future, but often times many of us are scared to get there. When we see the future drawing near it’s like something in us are startled, in disbelief, or fearful. It’s not uncommon I guess because growing up is scary. On the other hand, some of us jump right in, without even a second thought. We tend to only focus on the good parts- getting married, having children, buying our home. The perfect life. But somehow, we never dream up the divorce, the unruly children or the house that has become such a financial burden and a cause for half the quarrels that takes place in our homes. In this day and age, four in ten marriages will end in divorce according to a study done by the Vanier Institute of the family.¬† In spite of that, people still aspire to marry and those who are separated/divorced still want to find a marriage partner.

Somehow, in the midst of these turbulent times we still hope for the ideal, without much planning. After marriage, couples tend to go deeper and deeper into debt because they pile on all of life’s major milestones on top of each other. First come the hefty wedding bill, then comes the new mortgage and then the new baby, to add the cherry on top. It’s overwhelming but so many of us plunge right in, and often never come up for air. Years later, the debt grows and grows.

Yes, babies are supposed to be the pride and joy of our new family but if we don’t plan ahead, doesn’t that child often seem like a burden? Some might even say they are like a new bill. The cost to take care of them can be huge. On top of that they cause strain in the family. Suddenly, you have to plan your life around this infant, put up with the wailing when it needs to sleep/poop/eat. Many of us, normal people, get into a fantasy world when we’re married and think about the cuteness of the baby and how complete our family would be, but then we’re faced with torture when the baby is born. What appeared to be a bright idea suddenly seem more like a disaster.

I guess the torture ends at some point, or maybe we learn to adapt as parents. By this point, our pants pockets and our bank accounts are dried out but we persist because, well things have to get better right? If we work more everything will be okay. And that’s when we stop spending the quality time with our families, especially us women. Our children grow out of hand, our husbands are now driving us crazy because they can’t seem to understand that we need to work. Six years ago when we first got married, the kinds of expectations we had are thrown out the window and now we have to deal with reality. It’s not as ideal as it appeared in our dreams. Now what?

Maybe it would have been wiser to stay clear of all of it, allow the fear to drive us away from the fantasy world. But then, how would we know if we could have done better?

Published by

Shauna-Kay Cassell

I was born in Jamaica and have been residing in Canada for over 20 years. I graduated with Honours Bachelor of Arts degree at University of Toronto, a Graduate Certificate in Public Administration at Seneca College, and a Masters in Business Administration (MBA) at the University of the West Indies, Mona. I've worked for the former Ministry of Children ad Youth Services (now the Ministry of Children, Community, and Social Services). Now I'm a Court and Client Representative for the Ministry of the Attorney General. In my spare time, I write press releases, blogs, and news articles for different organizations, including my own website. I write about experiences about travelling, social justice issues, relationship and spirituality. Visit me at

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